Ko-C’s new hit song, if one may call it that, seems to have all the elements of it; a cautionary tale telling all young women to be wary of behaving like the lady in the song. It’s a story of a lady loose morals, one who is bedding four different men (that we know of), is suspected to have slept with at least 50, and not being smart enough to protect herself intelligently. The cause of that is her getting pregnant with a child whose father she doesn’t know.
As much as the story may seem funny, and may seem even funnier when sung in the club with glasses of alcohol coursing through the veins, it, in fact, drowns a lot of the dark side of the realities and the constructs of the society we live in, along with some of its most demeaning and hurtful prejudices that make our collective anthropology and its interplay with the “modern” world that we live in.
Ko-C may not sing it directly in the song, but the story of the girl on whom les choses ont cuites is also the story of Emade, Zita, Bessem, or Ebude in the quartier. The one girl you thought had never seen the private parts of a man and who suddenly is seen pregnant. Emade may have had just one partner, but best believe she would be subjugated to as many side-eyes and be the subject of ridicule as the subject in Ko-C’s song is.
Ko-C may not also sing it in the song, but it is also a reminder of our society’s views and the power-play of gender and sex in society. It shows the deep trench in the opinions about male and female’s sexual habits. It directly shows how a man can be ‘allowed’ by society to sow his oats how best he sees fit and how he can SOMETIMES be easily forgiven when the sowing is done even outside the confines of marriage but when a woman wants to explore ‘son epanouisement sexuelle’, that is easily frowned upon and the term “slut” is thrown around quite easily.
Ko-C may not sing it in the song, but the question of our individual liberties in the sexual department is called into question. Because, I mean, if we look at it seriously, who are we to judge someone wants to enjoy their sexuality or to place a limit on whoever they want to sleep with? I have judged and I think I will continue to, but should I, really?
Ko-C may not sing it in the song, but the question of responsibility in the affairs of and the product of sex is also evoked: “On t'a dit d'utiliser la capote, ça à cuit. Today the bellè don enter, ça à cuit.” Yes, belle don enter, but is the blame to be put only on the lady here or do the two people in the act have a shared responsibility? Even if one partner didn’t want to use protection, is the blame to be on the person who accepted thereafter not to use protection or on both?
So many questions that need to be answered but are not answered. We can even throw in our parents’ attitude towards sex and matters of sexual education. How they preferred to dodge the topic and then act surprised when their teenage child has a child on the way along with someone else. But as usual, it is always the lady who bears the brunt of the issue while the guy goes away with nothing but a scar.
“So dis small nga so be don di bad ting already enh? Na waoh.” - Hey! But it takes two to tango. People often ignore that part.
Ko-C, in this song, takes almost a backseat view. The lyrics suggest that he knows the young lady in question and has warned her repeatedly. And although my earlier concerns may not reflect it, yes, people should be held accountable for their own f**kups. Her depravity does not get a free pass and Ko-C in his own way is right to say “ça à cuit.”
But the truth, if you spin this story around and put a man in the central story, what society will interpret in general will not be as scarring, on the long term, on members of the same society, on the man as it would have on the woman.
In fact, what Ko-C intends to be a cautionary tale is not only a reminder of the imbalance on the views of society on gender and sex but also the perpetuation of a stereotype about the relationship of a woman vis-a-vis her sexuality and how best she ought to live it.
The long term damages can be daunting. Today we have many women living in our society who have never experienced an orgasm because, perhaps they have not had enough sexual partners to be able to fully experiment and know what is good for them sexually and where they can find sexual compatibility; an essential ingredient in a healthy relationship, due to the pressure of society’s view of decency covered in a concrete block of what we aptly call ‘body count’.
Ko-C’s song will only reinforce the bearing on one view of the matter even though he may have wanted to look the other way. Because our society is in that state. And for it to change, we need to call ourselves into question and learn to have honest and open conversations about sexuality, sex, morality and society. And lest I forget, religion too.
- Wandji Wilfred.