A few weeks ago, I was standing in front of a popular bakery in Akwa, Douala waiting for someone. It was quite hot and I was not wearing a jacket, of course. This really beautiful young woman, in her mid to late 20s, walked out of the bakery towards her car. She immediately caught my attention. She was tall and slim with legs that went on forever; like a sexy gazelle - just like I love my women. And well-dressed too -again, just like I love my women.
In her gait and her regal poise, she gave meaning to the first four lines of a poem by Lord Byron I’ve known for years.
She walks in silent beauty, like the night Of cloudless climes and starry skies; And all that’s best of dark and bright Meet in her aspect and her eyes
Her car was a Mercedes; one of those recent coupe models. You would have to excuse me, I don’t know much about cars. All I can say for sure is that the car in question looked expensive.
A few steps away from me, stood some two other guys probably waiting for someone else and also not wearing jackets. Just like me, the young woman had caught their attention and for a brief moment, they had stopped talking as she seemed to float majestically towards her car. I was within earshot of them, and just as the young lady entered her car, one of them said;
“See moto. I wonder which grand frère for town di f**k am, dash am money.”
If this sounds vaguely familiar, it is probably because you have heard it before. I wonder how many of you have been taken aback by this statement.
I know I was, and I almost asked the person who made that comment why he thought that girl, in particular, had to have been sleeping with someone to afford that car. My lawyer senses were tingling and I was going to break one of my cardinal rules; never argue in public.
But then I held myself. I thought it best to reflect. Why is that particular concept somewhat a very common tenet? Why does society almost always automatically believe that a woman, especially a young and beautiful woman succeeding, spreads her legs to achieve that position?
Is it nothing but a true reflection of what mostly goes on behind closed doors? Or is it a lie fabricated to act as a mental escape by a macho society where generations of hand-me-down principles and social diktats have put the woman behind the man and portrayed that the achievements of the woman are by default or at the very least influenced by the backing of the man, or his blessing, or his input or his permission or his third leg?
Do we hold these ‘truths’ to be self-evident or do we reinforce them as beliefs because we think that it disrupts the dispensation that our society and social constructs have been built on?
Who is to blame here? Our fathers who have corrupted our young girls with money and the stories of these girls that are rife? Social media where women known by all to be gold diggers are exalted by millions of followers? The chase for easy money as a quick way out of poverty? Or just two prejudiced idiots in front of a bakery who probably felt emasculated and did not think a young woman can make her own money?
Now, I can already see the comment section teeming with accusations mostly against the menfolk either because fingers seem to naturally point in that direction or because of the two aforementioned protagonists.
But I can assure you that from my own personal experience the greatest enemy of the woman (or to stay within my own scope, the Cameroonian woman) is the woman. I have been privy to conversations amongst women who have bashed another successful woman and have attributed her riches to her “moonlighting” in other domains.
You know what I mean. I remember one particular incident with a distant cousin. She was talking about a classmate of hers and how the classmate was sleeping around and was thus able to pay herself some holidays ‘in the abroad’ (to borrow her expression). I tried to argue, saying that her classmate, whom I happen to know, runs a business, is single, has no kids, and could plausibly have the discretionary income it takes to pay a trip for herself. My argument fell on deaf ears.
And so I stopped my lawyering.
It seems (and I tread very carefully here) women, more than men believe that a young woman in a seemingly privileged position more than likely got to where she is par-le biais-de some unorthodox means.
I don’t know about you but it seems if this happens it’s because we as a generation perhaps do not do enough to show/promote the works of one another and to shout it out from the rooftop when one of us (and here, I emphasize on young entrepreneurial women) do something great.
But unfortunately, that is the Cameroon we live in today; one where we believe that young women cannot by the fruit of their own effort be able to own some certain luxuries because as it stands, only men can be able to bestow that on women. This topic is a deep one and I’m afraid I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of things. I only wish that more and more people can certainly believe in the power of people, and here I emphasize on our young sisters being able to make their own in the world without being under the microscope of our biases and mental models.
I am not trying to paint my world with roses or view it through some rose-tinted glasses. I’m quite aware of the way the society works and the things that happen therein. We see some of the bad examples who openly acknowledge it on social media.
But when I know nothing, I have two choices: to resort to subjective impressions and reinforce a social stigma or to give the benefit of the doubt and at the very least be right about things.
I choose the latter.
- Wandji Wilfred