My older sister and I were 7 years apart and grew in two different homes. By the time we came to live with our parents, she was 14 and I, 7. Every day I heard her and our cousin talk about all the things that made a girl beautiful i.e fresh bow legs, wide eyes, thin lips, small breasts, long lashes etc. Guess who had the opposite of all that... I grew up knowing I was the ugliest person that lived.
In form two, I suddenly grew a bossom ampler than my age and she urged me to pray against it, Lol. It wasn't an attractive feature for a woman and to me, she was the epitome of beauty, so she would know.
BTW, I love my sister and I understand that she was a teenager, just repeating what she had been told from a young age. Luckily for her, these standards were in her favour. This information haunted me as a teenager and I started wearing makeup in form 3 to hide my hideous self. I really believed that if people saw my real face, they would die. I felt so hurt whenever someone told me I was beautiful. Why would someone mock my condition?
Anyway, as I grew older learned to accept myself and the subjectivity of beauty. I also began to understand the relationship between human psychology and physical attractiveness.
Attractiveness* is the appearance quality that has received the most attention in research on impressions from faces. Dubbed the ‘attractiveness halo’, people with more attractive faces are judged more positively on a host of dimensions. They are perceived as more outgoing, socially competent and powerful, sexually responsive, intelligent, and healthy. Even babies respond more favourably to physically attractive people and objects.
It's, therefore, safe to conclude that this is just human nature. I personally tested this theory and observed how some style changes affected the lives of the people around me. I would walk into a shop in my kaba and hairnet and they'd assume I'm there to window shop. I come back to the same shop all glammed up and I'm treated like royalty.
I think most ladies get glammed up for two main reasons. First to impress peers and admirers. Most women get their validation from other women envying their style and men admiring their beauty. Secondly, as was my case, we do it to hide our real selves away. Most women feel vulnerable and insecure due to unrealistic beauty standards portrayed by the media. One of the most recent is the Kim K curve standard. I remember when slim figures were celebrated because white women weren't curvy.
But it seems as soon as a white girl got a fat bum it became a beauty standard that drove the world into a frenzy. Our markets now sell silicone and pad butt enhancing shapewear and there are lots of curve enhancement methods available including injections, oil therapies, sculpting sessions and varying surgical procedures that are health and life-threatening in many cases.
These questions come to mind: Where do we draw the line? When will we ever be enough? When will we finally be beautiful? What if we changed everything to suit today's perfect beauty standard and tomorrow what's considered most beautiful worldwide is the exact opposite? Has this human inclination towards the "good looking" become a drug that this generation is hooked on?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not shaming fashion and cosmetic use. I think they can be a quick fix for the confidence problem but the issue is quick fixes don't last. If you do not solve the real underlying self-esteem issues, you get addicted and dependent on the quick fix.
Of course, I still wear makeup and fake hair but my reasons are quite different now from years back. Being an actress means wearing different personas and makeup is a tool that triggers the life of the character you are playing. I also do it to avoid being neglected especially in settings where I have something to offer and something to gain. I refuse to be taken for granted in business transactions because I wasn't looking my best (according to modern societal standards anyway). Thirdly, I think dressing up is fun from time to time. However, I know where to draw the line and how far I'm not willing to go. To be honest, if I had my way, I would go everywhere in my bathroom slippers and pyjamas or long kaba with my hair shaved, afro or afro bun.
I've found freedom in the understanding that I can, whenever I want, but I don't have to.
Society requires us to appear a certain way before each other and we can't really change that but it's important to stay in touch with your most authentic self by examining your motives and ensuring that you are comfortable and at peace with your truest self.
These questions can help you better understand how to apply the last statement.
Who are you without your hair (extensions or real)? What if someone baptized your fine face with acid? What if an accident deformed your incredible curves? Who are you without your makeup and fashion sense?
WHO ARE YOU?
#ThereHasGotToBeMore
- Bella Charis