I’m pregnant! You’re going to have a baby, you are not married, you are not ready in any way, and you’re not prepared! Financially, emotionally, mentally, psychologically or even ‘’husbandly’’. You tell him about it and he’s like what? Wait…I’m the dad? How do we handle this? Abortion? He too is not ready but he asked you to have a baby for him and he will marry you, his friends all have children so he also need a child; prove your love for him by giving him a child, his family members know you so you can give him a child, his boss is your father’s friend so can carry his child. You did because you trusted him, or because you thought you can hold him down with a baby? hahaha Sis you’re on your own.
See the problem? Once he recognizes what your pregnancy means, he is overwhelmed by fears and insecurities. He knows that raising a child is going to demand financial and lifestyle changes from him. Your man is left to his imagination and his expectations. And where does our mind go when left to its own devices? To fears and anxieties. He is overanalyzing his paycheck, unfamiliar lifestyle changes, and the enormous, bold-lettered responsibility: ‘’fatherhood’’. It might be frustrating or even disappointing.
In most cases, ‘THEY DISAPPEAR’.
What becomes of you and your child? Question for the gods. I don’t even want to talk about family members because no family wants a child out of wedlock even though you may have luck with your family and they may give you a helping hand, but Sis you will walk alone. Raising a baby alone is a whole different ball game than parenting an inquisitive 10-year-old whose friends have moms and dads who either live together, or are both involved.
You’ve got work to do; you’ll work your butt off.
Single motherhood has grown so common in Cameroon that today almost 80 percent of single-parent families are headed by single mothers, nearly a third of those live in poverty. This prevalence is due in part to the growing trend of children born outside marriage a societal trend that was virtually unheard of decades ago. You didn’t plan on being a single mother but you have to deal with it the best way you can. Being a single mother is not something that any woman would wish, but unfortunately, it happens. The only solution is to make the most of it, by learning how to balance between one’s needs as a woman and one’s needs as a mother. A single mother can still be a fulfilled and happy woman.
Being a single mum is twice the work, twice the stress and twice the tears, it’s not easy; it is one of the toughest jobs in the world. It takes a lot of work, dedication, and love, but most of all; it requires a strong sense of determination and confidence. Single moms have to face by themselves a set of difficult problems for which nobody ever prepares them, yet they manage to do impressive things just by following their heart and intuition.
As the only parent, you’re needed at home physically and emotionally. But be warned: It’s important not to become a recluse, or to feel sorry for yourself. Just get used to planning ahead to get out (and you absolutely should get out)! Having “girls’ night out” will do you good, and keep you thinking positively.
When your child asks about his father, you should answer truthfully, quickly and then change the subject (one advice I got from social media) Never say anything negative and know this conversation will evolve as your child grows older and more curious. So plan ahead of time how you’ll answer. And rest assured that it’s normal for you to feel sad, anxious, guilty or even enraged after having this tricky conversation.
Just try to keep your cool around your kid. Be free, think … even though there will always be the sinking guilt of raising your child without a father and the exhaustion of having to do it all. Being a single mom is pretty much as tough as it’s cracked up to be, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t love it, because You have no other choice since there’s no other parent to take turns with. But why feel guilty? Learn to accept your mistake and work on it.
It’s a single mom’s instinct to feel like she needs to do it all, but that’s not realistic or rational. Ask for help and accept help, especially if you’re a solo single mom, with no other parent to pitch in. so say yes when family members and friends offer to babysit (and repay them by returning the favor when need be).
In the beginning, it will be hard to loosen the reins of control, but eventually, it will feel comforting to know that help is a phone call away. It may take time for you to get in to another relationship but even if you have to, make sure the love of your life (your child) is your top priority and make sure you are not going in for another wedlock baby. It’s nice to occasionally get away, have a drink and recharge your batteries. You will always feel refreshed super-excited to resume your mommy duties.
The main struggle of single moms is finding the time and the energy to do all that they need to do. Besides all their responsibilities, mothers wish, most of all, to be able to spend time with their children and share with them a few moments of peace and joy.
Children need to see their mother happy and content, not stressed and miserable. Single mothers have a different concept of time. They rarely benefit of free time and even when they do have some free moments, they choose to spend those moments with their children, making sure their children receive all the love they need. And since love is never too much, mothers love to spoil their children.
You’ll become a calculator, I don’t care how much money you make, you’re going to automatically reduce in your spending and rethink. In addition to basic financial obligations that come with bringing up a tiny human, you’ll have yourself to feed, not forgetting your child will soon get to school age.
The bright side is that you will get all the love and attention of your child, and that you will always be there for all the significant and heart-warming moments of their life. The number one concern of every single mother is making sure that her child is safe and happy. There are not many differences between a single mom and any other mom except for the fact that single moms share the heavy responsibility of knowing that their child relies 100% on them.
If you’re a single mum, stop crying, and start working. You brought a beautiful soul in this world and he/she needs you more than you need the sperm donor, no one said it was ever going to be easy but at the same time it’s not impossible to be happy as a single mum.
Batupe Josey Shefa