Online Etiquette: Intention and Research in Social Connection

I published this post on my personal wall a few months back and many people found it useful. Its only been 4 days since I launched Poise and I can’t tell you how surprised I am with the support you guys are giving me. One side effect is that my profile is getting pushed further and many new people are hitting me up in the inbox trying to have a conversation with me. I have had nice conversations with some but there are still some people out there who do not understand this whole meeting people on social media thing so let’s do this again.

Most of us hardly know, I'd say more than 70% of the people we have as friends on social media; we send friend requests to random people and accept random people. Meanwhile there is nothing wrong with that, there is something definitely wrong with not knowing what we are trying to achieve by doing that or masking it.

I have sent friend requests to people I don't know (not any longer but not saying never) because facebook thinks it wise to suggest and because I use more to meet new people than to stay connected with my friends. I go through an elementary level of due diligence. I look at how many mutual friends we have in common and even dig a little bit deep to find out who exactly are those mutual friends.

Having a social media presence is part of my business and yours too even if you don’t see it as that right now. In this new world, the more people you are in touch with, the better for you. You don’t know where your next opportunity is but it is more likely to be online that in your neighborhood because you are a few clicks away from meeting just about anybody online and you can show your skills to just about anybody who might need them.

I accept most of the friend request I get (quite a lot lately). I check on the profile to make sure it is an actual person (how many photos of the same face), I read a week or two worths of their post to gauge the mindset, then I decide if that person is going to add or subtract from my life.

Most of the time, I don't hit the DM but when I do I'm straight forward. After the courtesy greeting, I declare my intentions. Maybe I just like your posts and hope we can share knowledge or maybe I've heard about or seen something you do that makes me think we could be of service to each other. I might have seen from your profile that you are a graphic designer and I need someone like you in my life.

In very rare cases, what is in most cases for most people, you might just be an attractive girl I want to keep in the loop and maybe get a connection with in the comments section that might lead to me meeting you in person and you know the deal...unless you end up turning me off with challenged intelligence I don't want to risk donating a sperm to. Don't judge me now, I know many of you be swiping away on Tinder.

Where is this going?

This is the thing. When you add someone and the person accepts, it is expected that you be the one to make the first advancement. Most people don’t have a problem with writing first but I find that most people find it hard to declare their intentions. You have to have done a little bit of research on the people you are adding unless you are just being creepy. If you can't carry out basic research on your target, that just means you are sac of time wasting- This is not just my feeling but that of everybody who is out here hustling to make things happen.

For me, my account is not set on private (what’s the point?) so even without being my friend, you can dig up enough information on me to know who you will be talking to. I can't count the number of- Hi, whats up? - I'm good, you? conversations I have had. At this point, most people act like they are expecting me to pick up the conversation from there and I'd love to. What I do is I go back to your profile and dig even deeper. If I find nothing that sparks my interests, I leave it at that. If I do, I'll ask you about it. Most of the time, I’m not even interested in such people.

What usually happens is the same person will come back another day with the same formula - Hello, How u doing? - Now I get irritated and I ask them point blank what it is they want. Here most of them get angry and start asking me if saying 'hello' is a problem and I have to tell them it is to me when that is all you ever say. This is where I get asked who I think I am that when someone talks to me, there must be something they want (we all know that’s a stupid defense mechanism to blanket their stupidity). What they don't know is they are not the first to give me that crap and neither will they be the last. To me this is a quick way of sorting through your social resumes.

I guess what I'm saying is:-

Social media is not a place for us to come and have idle conversations. It is a place to meet people you can take to real life and do something valuable with, then you can have idle conversations about what you did. We can also share ideas and learn from each other which I believe is the primary purpose.

If you need help, here are some things you can say after saying hello.

- I like your music or I'm also into music and Im looking for.... - I see you are a very opinionated person. I'd like to know your take on.... - I'm just looking to be friends and maybe something will come up…..but you still have to say what makes you think you can be friends with the person - I have this business I'm working on and...... - Can you please check out my facebook page, I'm into...... - I just started my blog, can you read and give me feedback - Can you put me in contact with the photographer that did......