The Untold Realities of Back-to-Back Child Delivery
A candid exploration of the physical, emotional, financial, and mental toll of bearing children fewer than 18 months apart—a common practice in Cameroon driven by late marriage, career timing, and family pressure. The writer outlines four core realities mothers face: the overwhelming practical demands, the risk of neglecting the older child's emotional needs, the necessity of building a support system, and the loss of personal life to routine.
“You don’t have to wait too long”, “Time is not on your side”, “your biological clock is ticking and Menopause comes early in this family. what are you waiting for?”, “Have another child as quickly as possible and bring them up together”, and my favorite “This pickin e foot don already black all, you nedi see? … simply meaning it is time to have another child.
These are some of the phrases that echo in the heads of new mothers as advice from doctors, mothers, family members, and friends and with speed, we enroll in the Higher Institute of Rapid Child Bearing. Back-to-back delivery in simple terms is when you have two children fewer than 18 months apart. Doctors usually advise for women to give a 24 month spacing between their children as this allows the mother time to heal and nurture the child properly before the other arrives. However due to late marriages, career and biological reasons, back-to-back delivery has been the norm in most mummy circles and mothers find themselves having 2 children in 2 years or 3 children in 3 years.
REALITY NUMBER 1: It is physically, emotionally, financially and mentally taxing to take care of two little children at the same time. Taking care of these two is usually not at the same time as feeding, cleaning and looking after them usually happens at different intervals and mummy must be proactive enough to handle juggle both without broking an arm even if she has to launder, do house chores, work at the same time. Not to mention the buying of diapers, wipes, medicines and baby food which doesn’t come cheap and doesn’t last if your babies love food.
You need to double on big-budget gears like strollers and cribs and plan to breastfeed two children at the same time. Truth is, you must be financially, mentally and emotionally prepared for back-to-back childbirth. The good news is, you will have a lot of stuff in your baby list handed over to the new baby.
REALITY NUMBER 2: You have two babies, not one! Mothers sometimes forget how small the age gap is and consider the previous baby to be old enough. So they scold at them when the exhibit ‘baby behaviors’ and do not give them enough emotional attention because the new baby is the only one who needs TLC at the moment. These are reasons why the older child usually becomes difficult to understand and mothers think “he/she changed” no! You simply stopped giving the child the much needed emotional attention he/she deserves.
Fast forward to the future, this is one of the main causes of deviant behavior and sibling squabbles. Truth is, you need to understand you have two babies and best put in my mother’s advice to me. “Consider you have twins and treat them like twin of different ages.” As they grow, the younger may show gross disrespect for the elder sibling thinking they are age mates so continuously spell out the age difference and need for appropriate mutual respect to avoid this
REALITY NUMBER 3: You will need a lot of support from your partner, family members and caregivers. The workload cannot be executed by you alone. Husbands must understand that they are partners in caregiving when it comes to children and back-to-back delivery as well. What if one child is hospitalized? What do you do with the other? Involve as many TRUSTED family members and friends as you can and remember ‘IT takes a village to raise a child’ so create a village for your child and make yourself chief. Plan this carefully to avoid postpartum depression.
REALITY NUMBER 4: Your life will be a routine for 2 or more years and you will feel guilty and left out. With back-to-back delivery, most mothers face challenges with finding time to spend with their partners, friends or engaging actively in social gatherings and events like they will really like to. When your head is constantly calculating when and how to buy the next packet of diapers, wipes and other baby supply, you soon realize you are trapped in a routine lifestyle where the only places you go to are your job site, market, supermarket, church (if you can wake up early enough to prepare yourself and everyone for service). Do not feel bad when you are left out on invitations by friends or guilty when someone says “again” when you announce having a new baby. These are all parts of the process.
The great news is, you are already a pro in all or most things baby-related by the time the second baby arrives. Your children will grow together, more likely to share the same interest and play well together, learn from each other and become fast friends. How you choose to weigh the pros and cons of back-to-back delivery is completely up to you and your partner so no matter how quick you time your second or next child, you will always find a way to make it work.
Ewenye Mbesa
Ewenye Mbesa Moffah is a wife, mother and teacher who is passionate about women empowerment, fashion and history. She loves to inspire and encourage women facing different challenges in their relationships and homes. Through her experience and that of other women, she offers practical approaches with biblical insights on how to deal with and overcome these women-related challenges on her Facebook page @Luster Lady. Go like the page stay inspired and motivated to walk a path of fascinating womanhood.
Written in March 2020, this piece speaks to the pressures Cameroonian women navigate between biological expectations, family and medical advice, and the realities of modern work and motherhood. The mention of late marriage and career considerations reflects a generation navigating shifts in women's autonomy and economic participation while still subject to traditional expectations around fertility and childbearing speed.
The piece remains significant for its refusal to romanticize motherhood or present back-to-back delivery as simply a personal choice. It names the structural and relational dimensions—inadequate partner involvement, the need for village support, the guilt that accompanies both motherhood and social withdrawal—that make the decision not merely individual but communal. Its grounded tone and practical wisdom offer validation to mothers caught between competing demands, while its framing of support systems as non-negotiable speaks to evolving conversations about shared caregiving responsibility.