Choosing Your Battles: A Lesson in Protecting Your Vital Space
A motorcycle fare dispute in Yaoundé becomes the occasion for reflection on when to engage conflict and when to let it pass. The writer argues that preserving one's energy and peace of mind is more valuable than winning every small disagreement, even when principle seems at stake.
I think I love my girlfriend, that should be the reason why my tolerance levels are extraordinarily high vis-a-vis her and also because I think for relationships like ours to work, somebody has to pipe down and "play the fool" once in a while; and I will tell you that with her "playing the fool" has its rewards.
That said, my girlfriend and I almost got into a fight. And for someone like me who totally hates noise and senseless bickering, I felt like disappearing into limbo when she started yelling at me before the eyes of the ever ready to mind people's business population of carrefour Jouvence.
What happened is we boarded a motorcycle from Acacia and unfortunately for us it turned out to be the motorbike of one of these riders who behave like they auctioned their brains to purchase the motorbike. Well, we stressed to this guy that we'll give him 300FCFA but we had a 2000FCFA note and he was cool with it. You know finding change is becoming more and more rare in this country, so I couldn't help but heave a sigh of relief.
How I wish i could take that sigh of relief back.
When we got to our destination, this guy carefully selected the most tattered 1000FCFA banknote from his stack of cash and handed it to my SO. Ordinarily, I find no issue with this and I'd walk away; but I wasn't the one paying that bike rider it was my SO. She took the note looked at it and told this guy to give her another one (because he had quite a bunch and it didn't make any sense that he'll carefully pull out the most tattered one to give to her) and this guy refused.
They were almost arguing when I stepped in. I tried to reason with this guy and explain to him in a very docile manner why he should have no problem changing that note but I failed and I think that was an obvious outcome. I then decided to go in search of someone to breakdown my 10K note to small units so I could pay this guy but I failed again and I asked my SO to let it go and I even promised to give her another note and take the tattered one but she was already pissed and as such I was the only one that she could take it out on.
Well, I basically hate verbal or physical violence and I saw my SO's exchange with this guy as a tremendous waste of time and energy. The bike rider in question didn't even bother to put his brains to work (I doubt if he had any) or to put himself in the client's shoe. But my SO equally failed to understand that she couldn't reason this guy. Any logical argument was a waste of words with this guy because he just doesn't want to think, he is more interested in proving how much he can stand his ground and how tough he is.
The whole incident make me think, in life such situations are inevitable. As humans, we will always find ourselves clashing for several reasons and some situations can become very embarrassing but how we deal with situations is totally up to us.
I think it is needless emphasizing how much we need to protect ourselves from strange energies and from people and situations which aren't good for us. We owe ourselves to protect our vital space and to let in only that which is necessary and helpful. That is why picking your fights is so important.
My SO told me that as the "man" I should have insisted but I totally disagree because getting in an argument over a 1000FCFA banknote with someone who had demonstrated very little thinking abilities and empathy was for me a total waste of time and energy. I saw a negative vibe that was going to drain some parts of my being and I will rather lose money than lose myself over it.
And I think we should all try to prioritize our vital space and our energy by choosing our relations and picking our fights wisely because some things aren't just worth it!
-Emmanuel Asafor
The piece captures a common friction in urban Cameroon—the daily negotiation between principle, social expectation, and the cost of confrontation in crowded public spaces. It reflects broader tensions between individual dignity and the practical exhaustion of asserting oneself in a context where informal economies and interpersonal dynamics demand constant navigation.
The essay resists the performative masculinity that says a man must always 'stand his ground,' instead proposing that wisdom lies in discernment. It speaks to a deeper question about what dignity actually costs—relevant then and now as people everywhere struggle to distinguish between fights worth fighting and energy worth preserving in an increasingly fractious world.