Am I My Sister's Keeper? On Doubt, Desire, and the Cost of Success

Someday last year, I was standing in front of a popular bakery in Akwa, Douala waiting for someone. This really beautiful young woman walked out of the bakery towards her car. She was in her mid to late 20s. She caught my attention immediately. She was tall and slim with legs that went on forever; like a sexy gazelle. Just like I love my women. She was beautiful and well-dressed too. Again, just like I love my women.

Her car was a Mercedes; one of those recent coupe models. You would have to excuse me, I don’t know much about cars. All I can say for sure is that the car in question looked expensive.

A few steps away from me, stood some two other guys, probably waiting for someone else too. Just like me, the young woman had caught their attention and for a brief moment, they stopped talking and watched her as seemed to float majestically towards her car. I was within earshot of them, and just as the young lady entered her car, one of them said;

“Boh see da jap. I wonder which grand frère for town don f**k am, dash am moto.”

I was taken aback and I almost asked the person who made that comment why he thought that girl, in particular, had to have been sleeping with someone to afford that car. My lawyer senses were tingling and I was going to break one of my cardinal rules; never argue in public with complete strangers if you can avoid it.

But then, I began to ask myself... Why is that particular concept somewhat a very common tenet? Why, almost always, when society sees a woman, especially a young and beautiful woman succeeding do we almost always automatically believe she spread her legs to achieve that position?

Is it nothing but a true reflection of what mostly goes on behind closed doors? Or is it a lie fabricated to act as a mental escape by a macho society where generations of handed down principles and social diktats have put the woman behind the man and portrayed that the achievements of the woman are by default or at the very least influenced by the backing of the man, or to his blessing, or to his input, his permission, or to his third leg?

Do we hold these truths to be self-evident or do we reinforce them as beliefs because it disrupts the dispensation that our society and social constructs have been built on and it would otherwise be discomforting to have to refer to a new system of thinking?

Who is to blame here? Older men who have corrupted our young girls with money and the stories of these that are rife? Social media where women known by all to be gold diggers are exalted by millions of followers? The chase for easy money as a quick way out of poverty? Or just two prejudiced idiots in front of a bakery who probably felt emasculated by a young woman with an expensive car?

Now, I can already see the comment section teeming with accusations mostly against the menfolk either because fingers seem to naturally point in that direction or because of the two aforementioned protagonists.

But I can assure you that from my own personal experience the views expressed by the guy above is one I have heard from MANY women about their fellow woman. I have been privy to conversations amongst women who have bashed another successful woman and have attributed her riches to her moonlighting in other areas.

You know what I mean...😏

I remember one particular incident with a distant cousin. She was talking about a classmate of hers and how the classmate was sleeping around and was thus able to pay herself some holidays ‘in the abroad’ (to borrow her expression). I tried to argue, saying that her classmate, whom I happen to know, runs a business, is single, has no kids, comes from a middle class family, and could plausibly have the discretionary income it takes to pay a trip for herself. My argument fell on deaf ears.

And so I stopped my lawyering.

It seems (and I tread very carefully here) women, more than men believe that a young woman in a seemingly privileged position more than likely got to where she is par-le biais-de some unorthodox means.

Sometimes I tend to think that it is because, as a generation, perhaps we do not do enough to show/promote the works of one another and to shout it out from the rooftop when one of us (and here, I emphasise on young entrepreneurial women) do something great. But even in the cases when we do this, I have still gotten some whispers.

But unfortunately, that is the Cameroon we live in today; one where we believe that young women cannot, by the fruit of their own effort be able to own some luxury because as it stands, only men can be able to bestow that on women.

This topic is a deep one and I’m afraid I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface. I only wish that more and more people can certainly believe in the power of people, and here I emphasise on our young sisters being able to make their own in the world without being under the microscope of our biases and mental models.

I am not trying to paint my world with lavender or view it through rose-tinted glasses. I’m quite aware of the way the society works and the things that happen therein. We see some of the bad examples who openly acknowledge it on social media.

But when I know nothing, I have two choices, to resort to subjective impressions and reinforce a social stigma or to give the benefit of the doubt and get the real story later. I always choose the latter. Maybe you should too

- Wandji Wilfred.