A Letter to My Son: On Love, Mistakes, and Becoming Yourself
Written as an open letter, the writer distills hard-won wisdom for his son—advice on self-love, the necessity of mistakes, the courage to speak truth, and the importance of defining one's own path rather than chasing external validation. The piece moves across love, work, strength, and character with the tone of someone who has lived enough to know what matters.
Son,
The most important thing in life is love and the most important thing to remember about love is that not everyone will love you. To deal with that, you have to love yourself more than anyone can love you.
As you grow older you will find out many of the things your teachers told you are lies because they are so scared of the truth. You don’t have to lie but you also don’t have to say everything -but, if ever you feel like you have to say something, say it you just have to think about it for a moment. Many people will try to measure your words for you, don’t be bullied into silence for so much evil reigns in the world today because many have decided to remain silent.
You will make mistake. I have made a lot of mistakes and I will continue making more mistakes. Be cautious but do not let the fear of being wrong ever stop you from doing anything. The more you are wrong, the more you will be right. If you go in feeling good about it only to find out it was not the right thing to do, that is ok, learn and move on. If you feel is it a mistake before you make it, don’t do it. Follow you gut feeling.
Live a life of giving but do not expect anything in return. Know that everyone is capable of disappointing you and even after they come through for you, always know someday they won’t. That should not stop you from giving. You have a gift or many of them. It might take some time but when you discover your gifts, give three times before you ask.
Fulfillment is not in the things you have but rather in the control you have over your life. You will feel at times like you should care what people think of you but you shouldn’t because most people have their own crazy which they worry about more. Only listen to criticism from those who are helping you get ahead in life, every other person is either trying to share their insecurities with you.
Cultivate core values to help to make impromptu decisions. READ. It keeps your mind strong and books are the best company you can keep. If you love reading, you will never get bored and it is true that an idle mind is the devil’s workshop.
Find something you love and do it with passion. It doesn’t matter what it is. You are going to spend most of your life working. You might as well spend it doing what you love. Do not live a life of wanting, just BE.
The world will have many of its own examples of the kind of person you have to be, what you should wear to look cool, what kind of music to listen to. Remember life is not a race and you are in competition with no one. No amount of outside praises will give you the satisfaction you get from doing things the way you feel like they should be done. Don’t look at what the next person has or has done. Focus on the progress you have made towards your own goals and let that be your force or reason to move on.
You have to be strong and real Strength is in things such as will power, resiliency, confidence, and believe in yourself. People will try to harm you physically, mentally, and verbally. Meanwhile you might not be strong enough to fight everybody that punches you in the face, you can be strong enough to defend yourself mentally. Develop a thick skin for the harsh words people will throw at you and learn to take a joke and give one. Sarcasm is the stuff of life.
When it comes to what you believe in and you feel it’s almost time to quit you don’t; you dig deep and fight your way to the end. Life will knock you down many times but do not go around looking for pity. The times you spend regretting is better spent going back to life and telling it, I’m not done with you till I’m done with you. Be wary of tying up your emotions and being too hard on yourself. If you have to use your tears, it will cost you nothing. Sometimes crying is the best thing you can do.
I really wish I could tell you everything about women but I am not sure it’ll help. For the most part I tried not to get too involved. Maybe it did me good, maybe not. For that you will have to go entirely on your own. In my life, I have never seen a man take advice about his woman or women.
You may not understand many of the things I just told you and such is life. Nobody knows or understands everything. However, you have to promise to think about these things daily. I am still learning and I hope to write you again if I figure out some new things I have figure out about life. If you find something new before I do, please write me a letter like this one.
- Tino Foy
This piece emerges from a moment when social media was being used for intimate, intergenerational counsel—a space where writers could address private matters to wide audiences. The letter form itself is both personal and universal, speaking to a son while implicitly reaching anyone navigating early adulthood or reconsidering their own choices.
The advice resists platitude through specificity of lived experience: the acknowledgment that the writer himself is still learning, that mistakes compound into wisdom, that mental strength matters as much as circumstance. In a digital landscape often dominated by binary certainty, this letter models moral seriousness—the kind that admits uncertainty while holding firm to values like integrity, self-knowledge, and courage. Its resonance persists because it addresses timeless struggles: belonging versus authenticity, the weight of others' judgment, the long work of becoming.